okay... today is a slightly ngarag day. it's Ya Chang's album launch at Klownz. and nixon is on leave so it's just me and manna. :::::::tensed:::::::

MSPB and me still not talking. ::::::::depressed::::::::

it's a holiday today! yey!

but there's a typhoon... grrr. was supposed to go to the office to... well... do nuthin' really. hehe. just hang out and stuff. but since Winnie (the typhoon) was raging... i decided to just stay home and loaf around.

had a tiff with MSPB.

drats!

i hate my life.

i haven't been totally honest...

there is someone other than AMP in my life. i am not ready to discuss him yet, but for the purpose of "conversation", let us name him MSPB (My So-Called Pseudo-Boyfriend). again, he fits the stereotype of the men in in my life... except he's not into rock. oh well... let me tell you more about him next time. i'm just not ready to blabber about him. i don't want to jinx it, i guess.

Mentos.

That's one word to describe me. Hard outside but soft inside.

Yeah well... despite what most people think, I am a softie (not a toughie --- ack! Why am I quoting all these commercials? Haha). The other night, I went home with a knot in my gut. I could feel the tears coming but I had to keep myself from crying since I was in the company of AMP. It was a gruelling ride home. I felt so uncomfortable. I kept my mouth shut for most of the ride for fear that I will break down and cry in front of him if I even attempted to say anything.

True enough, when I was in the privacy of my room, my defenses broke. The tears of frustration just flowed. I immediately called one lovable woodpecker and poured my heart out to him. I felt a little better after that conversation. Just a little.

What, pray tell, brought on this sudden bout of depression?

Well... I have been harboring feelings of loneliness for the longest time. I guess I was just too proud to admit it even to myself so I pretended to be all hyper and chirpy all the time. Yeah I was ecstatic and on Cloud 9 a couple of days back when a certain someone suddenly appeared at my door. But soon after that, my world crumbled. It was like this huge earthquake shook things up and pieces of my life tumbled down one by one.

It does seem quite pathetic of me to continue obsessing about something (or should I say someone) when there are other more important stuff to think about. I can't help it. I have a one-track mind lately. When other people are stressing about their careers, their families, the economy, war and other serious matters, I'm stressing about a boy! I know it sucks but that's how it is. That's how I am.

AMP doesn't love me. :-(

I don't think he even likes me. Oh yeah well... he does... but y'know what I mean... I don't think he likes me as in LIKE me. I realized it the other night. No, he didn't exactly say anything... I felt it lang. You feel stuff like that right? Even when the other person is not saying or doing anything... As mushy as it may sound, it's the heart that's supposed to do all the talking. His heart didn't talk to mine that night. Ack.

So there.

I'm sick :(

Last week, I was diagnosed with Pneumonia. :(

I went on leave and have been resting at home for the past week, diligently taking my medicine... I revisited my doctor today and guess what he said? :(

The medicine is not taking effect... :(

He changed my prescription to something stronger (not to mention more expensive! hah!) :(

He then gave me a "lecture" on bacteria mutating and all... it was very X-Files if you ask me. Haha.

He asked me to come back on Monday for another consultation. Crap! That's Divo's launch! :(

Oh shucks. I feel sad and lonely.

I wonder if I'm dying...

as you can see from my previous posts, i have discovered a couple of my theme songs just recently. haha. you may think i'm really baduy for doing this, but can't help it. there are actually a few more songs i've discovered. la lang. been listening to my i-pod every night and i would just suddenly realize how apt the lyrics of certain songs are to my current situation. oh well...

i miss him.

i was just talking to him a while back. but i miss him now. haha. i hate myself for feeling this way! how can i stop myself from feeling these things? i wonder...

not that i don't want to feel it... it's just that i'm not sure if he feels the same way. he's sweet and all but i still don't know. i will never know for sure until he says something, i guess. but he's not naman saying anything. so ano ba?!!?!?!?

hahahaha.

i'm just rambling, i know. my brain cells are dead...

It's been a week since I last blogged and a lot of things have happened…

First off, OKTOBERFEST HAS OFFICIALLY ENDED! Woo hoo! Finally. Hahaha. After over a month of ngarag, I can finally take it easy. Hehe. Well… not so much though… got a lot of things to do pa din but at least it's not as ngarag as it was. I think. Haha.

The Closing Party was a blast! It was super gulo lang. All the people were backstage. All the jologs converged in Megamall that night. And the security people couldn't keep up with them. If not for the 11 bouncers, I think I would have died. I don't even know where the bouncers came from. Hehe. But thanks to them, my life was a tad easier.

Grabe. There were 5 casualties daw that night. Some people got stabbed. I saw around three people who were all bloody… gross. It was the most ngarag night of my life! I was running around like a crazy chicken. I think I may have lost five pounds (which I gained again coz I went to Bora hahaha). I cried pa. Yuck. I'm so cheesy. Haha. I couldn't help it. Too much pressure. And I felt bad for 6CM. They got cut out from the program. They're one of my favorite bands pa naman. And Darwin is like the nicest manager ever. He's helped me a lot but then I couldn't do anything for him that night. Haay. Buti na lang finished na din.

Saw Rico and Ely. It was nice seeing them again. I kinda missed them. Hehe. The only reason I enjoyed Oktoberfest was seeing all of them again. Tagal na ko wala sa eksena e. Kaines. Haha.

The next day, Saturday, I was sleeping lang the whole day. I was so wasted. Haha. I was watching MGB but it was so boring I fell asleep.

On Sunday, I went to Bora. Tada! Hahaha. It was my first time. Hehehehe. I'm not a beach person but I liked it there. It's parang a different world. I felt like I was in the movie The Beach with Leonardo di Caprio. Hehehe. Bamboo was there. Bumped into Nathan twice. Hehe. And on the flight back, we were on the same plane. La lang. Asteeg! He's the coolest person ever talaga. Didn't change a bit since the time I knew him. Sayang lang Bamboo and I never got the chance to become close before in BMG. He was about to quit na when I was tagging along with Maya e. So it was just Rico, Nathan and Mark that I got chika with. Parang I'm switching allegiance na from Ira to Bamboo. Haha! But no… Ira is still the ultimate crush of my life. I've been crushing on him since I was 13! Oh well…

While I was in Bora, I was making people inggit by sending them MMS. Hehe. My victims were Carlos and Jon. They were the only two people who knew I was there (aside of course from my dad). Haha. Saya!

When I came back last night, I went straight to Greenhills to meet up with Manna, Mitzi and Kuya Heinz. We all got 6150's for only 1,500 for our new Sun sim! Go Sun go! Hahahaha. Mikko has got Sun already. I think Weng is contemplating on getting… I dunno. It's the kewlest thing! :-) Free calls and text 24/7! Woo hoo!

I'm in the office right now but my mind is elsewhere. No, I did not leave it in Bora. Haha. It's just flying somewhere... near... Sigh.

I am not in the mood to work! I wonder if I can just loaf around today? Sheesh.