The Bitch Is Back!

Yeah... you got that right. I am back.

Took me a while to post despite all of the things that have happened lately. Well, for one thing, it has been one HELL of a week for me. Have been running around trying to do several things all at once.

For another, I haven't been in the mood to write lately. It seems that the Muses have deserted me. I'm completely uninspired. I feel blah, dull and dreary. As my blog title says... Ho-hum to me.

Nothing much has changed really. I still feel worthless and insignificant. I still feel like I couldn't construct a proper sentence. I think I am not making much sense.

But hey, after a couple of hell days, I suddenly find myself taking a much-deserved break right now so might as well put it to good use. So there. Here I am.


I Started A Joke

The other day, I was by lonesome smoking my lungs out when I suddenly found myself humming the BeeGees' song "I Started A Joke". I dunno why I started humming it. It just came out of nowhere. And then I realized that the lyrics sorta pertained to me.

You see, a year or so ago, I started something with a friend. It was like an experiment. We were talking about how rumors start and how fast they spread. So we came up with the idea of making something up and then see how far it'll go. However crazy the idea sounded, it was also appealing. And we were curious about what would happen. So we went ahead with the plan. Since we didn't want to be nasty by spreading something totally made-up about other people, we decided on applying the experiment to ourselves.

We played our part and set everything in motion. For some freaky reason, no one seemed to pick it up. Weird, we thought. Maybe we weren't convincing enough. So we "re-grouped" and tried to be as convincing as possible. There was a ripple of reaction from some people but that was it. Nothing more. No splash. No waves. No tsunamis. We decided to scrap the idea. It was a total waste of time.

And then it happened.

While we were going through the whole act, it kinda felt natural at a certain point that it felt like it wasn't an act anymore. Well at least that was what it felt like to me. Oh boy, was I so wrong.

I have made countless erroneous judgement calls through the years. To quote Sugarfree, I am the undisputed Hari Reyna Ng Sablay. But thinking back now, I feel like this is one of the worst faux pas of all.

So yeah, like the Beegees say, the joke is on me, people.

And no, it ain't funny.


The Tale Of Two Exes

Like I said earlier, a lot of blog-worthy things have happened to me in the past week (or two?). Some are freaky, some hurtful and some insightful. But the craziest thing was that I hooked up with two of my exes in the same week! If that wasn't weird then I don't know what weird is.

Oh... when I say I hooked up with them, I didn't mean that we got back together. Nah-uh. One I bumped into at a friend's house and the other I spoke with on the phone. It was kinda surreal, y'know. It has been years since I saw or talked to either of them. R was a kinda good separation... I mean, we parted as friends. A was painful and very messy. A lot of hurtful things were said. For a time I thought (and I'm sure he did too) that whatever we have will never ever be repaired. I can say with much conviction that no, I don't see us getting back together at any time. But I can now declare that I think we can be friends again. We never talked about the past when we spoke last week. It was like it never happened. Maybe that's for the best. Digging up past dirt will surely open up old wounds and that could turn out to be really nasty. Neither of us wants that.

A mentioned he'd want to go out sometime. I told him I'm okay with it. He actually wanted to pick me up the other night. But something came up so our supposed rendezvous didn't push through. That would have been interesting. Haha. Maybe it's not yet time.

R on the other hand is getting married soon. Hurray to him! It's about time he does too. He's too darn old na. Hehe.

Funny it was the two of them I encountered within the same week. Those two hated each other's guts. A followed R and was the reason why I ditched him. Yeah well... That was then.


A is for Anger

For the past three days I haven't been getting enough sleep. I feel like I'm on drugs or something. I think maybe in three days, I've only had a total of eight hours sleep. It doesn't take a math genius to know that that's roughly 2.6 hours per day -- simply put, it just isn't enough.

So anyways, one night I was channel-surfing and I came upon the movie Anger Management. I was lucky enough to catch it just as it was starting. Since I haven't yet seen it and I like Adam Sandler, I decided to watch it. Beats staring at the ceiling, believe me.

Halfway through the film, I realized I do have Anger issues. Actually, I've known for a time now that I have A LOT of issues -- with myself, with other people, with people I love, with the world. I guess I'm just in denial that I'm one angry sonofabitch. It's not right to say that I don't know why I'm angry. I do know... somehow. But there are just too many reasons. What I want to find out is the root. That one ultimate source of my anger. That is what I am not sure of.

It's a pity I cannot afford to see a shrink coz I know I need one. And I already know where to find one. All it takes is just a phone call and I'm on my way to dealing with my issues with the guidance of a trained professional.

Gah.


The Art Of Letting Go

I heard someone say before that "Letting go is so much harder than holding on". I forget who and where I heard it from. But it's so true. Ever wonder why there are so many battered wives who refuse to leave their abusive husbands? Or why there are a lot of unhappy people staying in bad relationships? Or why there are several people who dwell in the past and are consequently depressed?

One night last week I had an encounter with an old friend with whom I had a falling out of sorts. It was sort of uncanny that we met up like we did because I have been actually toying with the idea of seeing him somehow to just talk. Y'know... just for closure. Coz we never had that. I was still in the process of planning how to go about it when he appeared one night when I least expected it.

It was a very awkward moment. Half the time I was hoping that the earth would just swallow me up. But the earth didn't want to cooperate with me then. So I stuck it out however awkward the whole thing was.

Then just as the night was about to end, I finally mustered up enough courage to come up to him and ask him what went wrong. Coz for the life of me, I really have no idea why. I'm totally clueless about what I did, or if I did anything at all to deserve such a treatment. Apparently, he wasn't ready to talk. All he did was answer my questions with more questions. Uhm... hello? I'm supposed to be the one asking all these questions. Then the complete brush off came when he said "Wag mo nang alamin" and proceeded to pretend like I didn't exist.

So yeah. That felt like shit.

Anyways, just so I can get it off my chest and in case he chances upon this blog, here is what I have to say:

Like I told you that night, I don't know and have no idea whatsoever what it was I did or said to make you feel the way you do about me right now. Believe what you want to believe but I never spoke ill of you to anyone. I never talked about you at all. I was grilled and asked a gazillion of times by a lot of people about you and what happened. All those times I told them nothing. Zero. Nil. I may have told some that you've changed, coz you did y'know. Total transformation, man. But mostly I kept quiet and shrugged everybody off. None of what you told me before -- all those stories, all those juicy kwentos we used to share -- ever came out of my mouth. Didn't repeat any to a single soul. Remember our "to the grave" pact whenever we talked about sensitive issues? I intend to keep it. Should you choose not to, that's your choice. But I'm true to my word and I have no intention of breaking that pact.

Whatever it is... whatever your reasons are, I may never know. But for whatever it's worth, I am humbling myself... I'm sorry. You may choose not to accept my apology. That's totally up to you. But I give it wholeheartedly and sincerely.

There.

Letting go now.


Snoop Doggy Dog

I have said it time and again... I have this talent (or curse... depends on how you look at it) of finding things out without even asking. The information magnet, that's me.

However, today I decided to change things. I did a little snooping.

And oh how I regret it!

Gah.

Bleh.

You know that line 'What you don't know won't hurt you'? TRUE. TRUE. TRUE.

I should have left things as they were. But no, I decided it was fun to be Sherlock Holmes for a day. So guess what I found? Skeletons in the closet.

Ack. I really should have left things as they were.

Got this meme off Dean's blog. Since I'm a music freak, I decided to go and take it myself. Hehe.

Basically, the rules of this meme goes something like this... Go to this site. You'll see a search box on the left side. Here, enter the year you graduated high school. Click open the first search result and you'll see 100 songs from that year. Cut and paste the results and comment on each song. =) So there.

I haven't read through the list of the songs from 'my past' yet. I kinda want to go through it as I comment. Like Dean, I've opted to bold the songs that I like and strike the songs I hate. No formatting for those songs I don't care about or don't remember. Anyways, here goes:

1. End Of The Road, Boyz II Men - Aaahhh... I must admit that I like this song. I even remember myself recording the video from Video Hit Parade. How lame is that? Haha.

2. Baby Got Back, Sir Mix A-Lot - Errr, the only thing I can remember about this song is its video which showed a lot of butts. I'm not even sure if I'm talking about the same song. Hehe.

3. Jump, Kris Kross - Bleh. Don't like Kriss Kross.

4. Save The Best For Last, Vanessa Williams - Hmm. This is bad for my image. But yeah, I do like this song. Heehee.

5. Baby-Baby-Baby, TLC - This song's okay. I don't like it nor hate it. It's just... okay.

6. Tears In Heaven, Eric Clapton - Mushy, yeah. But who doesn't like Eric Clapton? This song brings back a lot of memories too.

7. My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It), En Vogue - Didn't care much for this song. It was ayt, I guess.

8. Under The Bridge, Red Hot Chili Peppers - Ooohhh... I LOVE! I LOVE! I LOVE! Hated All Saints when they remade the song.

9. All 4 Love, Color Me Badd - Oh God nooooo!

10. Just Another Day, Jon Secada - I don't like Jon Secada.

11. I Love Your Smile, Shanice - Too "tweetums" for my taste but it's quite alright, really.

12. To Be With You, Mr. Big - This song turned out to be cheesy in later years but I liked it when it first came out. Still do, actually. Just hate it when it's being sung in TV production numbers and such. Bleh.

13. I'm Too Sexy, Right Said Fred - Uhm... next song please.

14. Black Or White, Michael Jackson - Whatever anyone says, Michael Jackson IS Michael Jackson. I remember being a fan when I was in Grade School, and then I discovered Guns 'N Roses. Hehe. This song's okay with me but I don't necessarily like it. Like the video, though.

15. Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus - Ugh. Hate this song. Sucks big time, I think.

16. I'll Be There, Mariah Carey - I was never a fan of Mariah (and never will be) but she has songs I actually like. Sadly, this ain't one of them.

17. November Rain, Guns N' Roses - There was a time in my life that I worshipped Axl Rose. Haha. So yeah, I love November Rain.

18. Life Is A Highway, Tom Cochrane - A kewl song. Try listening to it while on a road trip... it's an ultimate high. =)

19. Remember The Time, Michael Jackson - One of those MJ songs I hate. Can't explain why. I just don't like it.

20. Finally, CeCe Peniston - I'm okay with this one.

21. This Used To Be My Playground, Madonna - I love Madonna. For me, she's the only artist who was able to re-invent herself along with the times. I have a high respect for this woman. I especially like this song because it's the theme song from 'A League Of Their Own', which is one of my favorite movies of all time.

22. Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough, Patty Smyth - Sadly, this song became jologs but I like it. Love the lyrics. It's so true.

23. Can't Let Go, Mariah Carey - One of those Mariah songs I like.

24. Jump Around, House Of Pain - Err... What's this? Hehe.

25. Diamonds and Pearls, Prince and The N.P.G. - Never liked Prince.

26. Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me, George Michael and Elton John - I neither like nor hate the song.

27. Masterpiece, Atlantic Starr - EEEEEEEWWWW.

28. If You Asked Me To, Celine Dion - Oh my gawd! Can you believe I used to sing along to this one? Haha. Yeah, the senti freak in me loves this song so much.

29. Giving Him Something He Can Feel, En Vogue - I don't remember this song at all!

30. Live and Learn, Joe Public - Nor this one! Haha.

31. Come and Talk To Me, Jodeci - Nor this! Ano ba?!?!?!

32. Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana - KURT COBAIN IS A GOD! Haha. I'm sorry but I just couldn't resist the urge to enlarge the font. Love this song. Love Nirvana. Love Kurt.

33. Humpin' Around, Bobby Brown - Errr. How does this song go again?

34. Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover, Sophie B. Hawkins - Damn, yeah!

35. Tell Me What You Want Me To Do, Tevin Campbell - Uh...

36. Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg, TLC - It's quite alright, I guess.

37. It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday, Boyz II Men - Like this song a lot. Before 'All Apologies' came out, this was supposed to be the song I want to play at my wake/funeral.

38. Move This, Technotronic - Nah-uh. Not for me.

39. Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen - Oohhh yeah! One of those epic songs hehe.

40. Tennessee, Arrested Development - I'm just okay with this one.

41. The Best Things In Life Are Free, Luther Vandross and Janet Jackson - And this...

42. Make It Happen, Mariah Carey - Did I say I never liked Mariah?

43. The One, Elton John - Huh?

44. Set Adrift On Memory Bliss, P.M. Dawn - It's alright.

45. Stay, Shakespeare's Sister - I like! =)

46. 2 Legit 2 Quit, Hammer - Bleh!!!

47. Please Don't Go, K.W.S. - Uh... Who is this?

48. Breakin' My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes), Mint Condition - Huh?

49. Wishing On A Star, Cover Girls - Uhm... yeah whatever.

50. She's Playing Hard To Get, Hi-Five - Okay lang.

51. I'd Die Without You, P.M. Dawn - I remember a funny story about this song. My friend Louie D (a deejay from RX) answered the request hot line and the caller asked him for the song "A Boy Without A Shoe". Not knowing what the caller was talking about, Louie asked who sang the song and the guy said PM Dawn. Haha. Go figure.

52. Good For Me, Amy Grant - I like Amy Grant but I can't remember this one.

53. All I Want, Toad The Wet Sprocket - Love this.

54. When A Man Loves A Woman, Michael Bolton - Nah. Michael Bolton doesn't do it for me.

55. I Can't Dance, Genesis - Okay lang.

56. Hazard, Richard Marx - Okay lang din.

57. Mysterious Ways, U2 - Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! U2!!!! Enough said.

58. Too Funky, George Michael - Don't know this one.

59. How Do You Talk To An Angel, The Heights - Okay... this song may seem cheesy to most people but I like it. Hehe. And this list is actually wrong... Jamie Walters sang it, though yeah, it was from the TV show The Heights.

60. One, U2 - My gawd! One of the best U2 songs for me.

61. Keep On Walkin', CeCe Peniston - What the hell is this song?

62. Hold On My Heart, Genesis - Can't remember the tune but anything by Genesis is ayt with me.

63. The Way I Feel About You, Karyn White - Can't remember

64. Beauty and The Beast, Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson - Uh... I liked the movie. Hehe.

65. Warm It Up, Kris Kross - NOOOO!!! Hate Kris Kross.

66. In The Closet, Michael Jackson - *shrug* Fine, I guess.

67. People Everyday, Arrested Development - Okay lang.

68. No Son Of Mine, Genesis - Uhm. It's fine.

69. Wildside, Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch - I think Mark Wahlberg made the best decision of his life when he switched to acting.

70. Do I Have To Say The Words?, Bryan Adams - Puhleeeaaazzze!

71. Friday I'm In Love, Cure - Yeah! Kewl!

72. Everything About You, Ugly Kid Joe - I loved this song so much that during my first year in college, I did a report to the tune of this song. Seriously! I had a guitar as props pa. Ayuz diba? Haha.

73. Blowing Kisses In The Wind, Paula Abdul - Nah. Too tweetums again.

74. Thought I'd Died and Gone To Heaven, Bryan Adams - Huh? Can't remember this one.

75. Rhythm Is A Dancer, Snap - What the hell?

76. Addams Groove, Hammer - NO! NO! NO! Hammer sucked, man.

77. Missing You Now, Michael Bolton - What's this?

78. Back To The Hotel, N2Deep - Eh?

79. Everything Changes, Kathy Troccoli - ????

80. Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad, Def Leppard - I like! This is one of the songs in my 'On-The-Go' playlist on my IPod.

81. Take This Heart, Richard Marx - Huh?

82. When I Look Into Your Eyes, Firehouse - Yup. Like it. =)

83. I Wanna Love You, Jade - Errr... huh?

84. Uhh Ahh, Boyz II Men - I don't know this one, sorry.

85. Real Love, Mary J. Blige - Nor this.

86. Justified and Ancient, The KLF - Oh gawd, I feel stupid. Where was I when this song was playing? I don't know it!

87. Slow Motion, Color Me Badd - Nah-uh.

88. What About Your Friends, TLC - It's alright.

89. Thinkin' Back, Color Me Badd - NOPE.

90. Would I Lie To You?, Charles and Eddie - For some reason, I hated this song so much.

91. That's What Love Is For, Amy Grant - Oohh yeah... my favorite Amy Grant song.

92. Keep Coming Back, Richard Marx - I dunno this one.

93. Free Your Mind, En Vogue - Hmmmm... yeah, I guess I'm alright with it.

94. Keep It Comin', Keith Sweat - Waaah. I can't remember this.

95. Just Take My Heart, Mr. Big - Like "To Be With You", this song became jologs after a while but I liked it when it first came out.

96. I Will Remember You, Amy Grant - I'm okay with it.

97. We Got A Love Thang, CeCe Peniston - Okay lang.

98. Let's Get Rocked, Def Leppard - Yeah! Like it. Rock on. Hehe.

99. They Want EFX, Das EFX - Huh?

100. I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt - Again, the senti freak in me likes this one.

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learnY
ou bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Wha... Huh?!... Why?!?!

I was checking my phone bill the other day and found out that I made incessant calls to this certain person but can't seem to recall why. I checked the dates and the time of call and couldn't, for the life of me, remember anything significant about it. Most calls were for just a minute, which on hindsight, a conversation may not have taken place... Maybe the number was dialled but it registered as a call? Is that even possible?

Sheesh.

But... and a big BUT! There were calls that lasted for 5 minutes. Some even 10! But I cannot recall having a conversation with this person!

WTF then?

Note to self: Call Globe.


The Day I Almost Fell From My Chair...

...was the day I discovered this website.

Since I was bored and feeling quite depressed, I checked it out. And holy cow! I was out of depression in a flash! I was so out of it that I almost fell out of my chair. Yeah, I know... I already told you that.

Anyways, this is an ultimate laugh trip... Don't tell me I didn't warn you...

According to Analogia, I look like:



Hah! Beat that! Hahahaha.

Yeah.

Right.

***A big shout-out to Jason... Without his blog, I wouldn't have found out about Analogia, and I wouldn't have had that great, big laugh at myself.***


Wasted Time

Last night, I wasted an hour and a half of my life when I decided to watch The Crow 4 (I cannot even remember the movie's subtitle... was it The Redemption? Bring Me To Life? Ack! Forget it!)

Whatever you do... DON'T watch The Crow 4. Big, big waste. Bleh.

I am a fan of the original Crow movie with Brandon Lee (God Rest His Soul). I think I watched it a dozen times and cried each time. Yeah well, I'm a sucker for these things. I especially liked the soundtrack too. For a time, it was on repeat mode on my CD player... no IPod yet then.

The succeeding Crow movies, although they did not suck big time, were a tad disappointing. I can't even remember who played the lead roles in either Crow 2 and 3. I think Stuart Townsend starred in one but I am not too sure anymore... or maybe I'm confusing it with Queen of the Damned, which also quite sucked I think. But I digress.

Anyways... I wasn't quite ready at how ultimately pathetic this (hopefully) last installment to The Crow. I was amazed at myself that I managed to stay awake throughout the whole movie.

Actually, if it wasn't for Edward Furlong, I wouldn't have been interested in this movie. But when I heard the plug on radio and it said it starred Eddie, I knew I had to watch it. However, 30 minutes into the film last night, I knew I made a big mistake and cursed myself for the rest of the night.

Don't. Ever. Watch. The. Crow. 4.

Oh... there's actually one interesting thing about the movie. Its tagline:

"Life is short, but revenge is immortal" - The Crow 4

So there.

Janaila Kirsten Hipe Santos

Contrary to what most people think, no... the baby in the picture is not me. The resemblance is quite uncanny, though. I guess it's because we belong to the same family tree.

People, meet my niece Aila. She's going to be three months old on September 13. She's my first pamangkin and the first apo of my parents. I swear to God, this kid is going to be spoiled rotten! Haha.

I guess most of you will think I'm a really bad aunt for saying this but... I haven't yet seen her in person. =( When I visited my sister in the hospital after she gave birth, nursery visiting hours were over. I tried visiting again early in the morning but me + early morning? Nah... it doesn't add up.

So there.

In the three months that she's been living and breathing in this... pathetic destitute errr... in this world, all I've seen are pictures of her sent through email and MMS by my sister and brother-in-law.

I hope I can see you in person soon Aila. But y'know, your aunt has issues with your lola and I can't (yet) come see you during weekends when they all go to visit you. Aside from that, your aunt has major issues period. =(

I am trying my best to do something about it but most of it is beyond my control, really. But don't worry... I promise to make time for you... I'm just waiting for some piece of really good news that will make everything better for everyone. You, Aila, will be the first person to benefit from it. =)

Everybody tells me you look like me. Even my sister and brother-in-law says so.

Ooohhh... what a lucky kid! Hahaha.

Tour De France Sony-BMG

Dropped by Sony-BMG last Saturday evening and I was given a tour of the new office by Sir Chris. Located at the 17/F of Taipan Place along Emerald Avenue in Ortigas, I have only one word to describe their new office -- sosyal! It's a far-cry from the old office we used to have in Cubao. Haha. Grabe. I couldn't stop gushing while Sir Chris was giving me the tour. 'Twas very chic. And very conducive for working.

My favorite place is their conference room. Astig! Parang ang sarap mag-meeting kung ganun ang itsura ng conference room! I wanted to take a picture but I didn't want to appear like I was spying (I belong to a rival record label now), so I decided against it.

Their pantry was kewl too. It's quite small but very homey. However, they told me there's a ghost there. Nye. Hehe.

Oh and they have a Dubbing Room! Astig! They have all sorts of equipment there -- betacam, VHS, CD burner, DVD, VCD, the works! I wish we had the same thing.

I like their new office, I swear! Made me wish I was still there. Haha. Aside from the very convenient location (Ortigas), the look of the office is more than enough for me to want to go to work everyday.

Oh well...


I Survived Seven Corners

Tried out Seven Corners at Crowne Plaza last weekend. I thought I was going to die. Haha.

Although the selections were fewer than in Circles (at Makati Shangri-La), there were still a lot of dishes to choose from. I couldn't decide which one to "attack" first! Hehe. I ended up gorging myself with salad, bread, sushi and sashimi and of course... the dessert! Shucks. I think I've never had that much chocolate in my entire life! Once again, all the calories and pounds I've lost in the past few weeks, I've gained back in one night. Bummer.

But it's all good. It was worth it naman.


I Miss...

...Johann
...Jon
...Kuya Arnold
...Celeste
...Chito
...Trec
...Jojo
...Mario
...Sancho
...Diego
...Sir Chris
...all the other BMG folks
...Ney
...Darwin
...Mark

and most of all...

...the person I used to be