i'm at a loss for words.

i cannot begin to describe how stunned... no, make that SHOCKED... i am with what happened to southeast asia. the devastation is beyond comprehension. one can't help but ask why? and what's up with the world anyways?

i ain't Christian... well, i was. but at some point i chose to be otherwise. but i do believe in a Supreme Being. i believe in the God and the Goddess. i believe in the deities who look after and take care of us. but they're easily ired, i guess. especially when we do stuff that hurts the earth. this is our home and we're supposed to take care of it. but alas, we dump waste, kill trees, hurt animals, hurt each other. the earth is suffering and we have hurt it to its core. i guess it's really just payback time. we've been really bad to mother nature and this is her way of telling us to shape up... or ship out.

however, it's still unbelievable. it's so surreal. and no matter how hard i try, i sometimes still don't understand why it had to happen here or why it had to happen at all.

sometimes late at night, i can't help but think, it could have been us. if not for the land mass of indonesia and malaysia, the philippines could have been easily hit by the tsunami that wiped out a big chunk of some towns' populations. people say we're blessed and lucky. the survivors of the disaster say the same thing. that they're lucky to have come out of it alive.

is this the right thing to say? what about those who survived but had their whole families ripped out of their grasp? are they lucky to be alive? most people, aside from losing their loved ones, have lost everything -- their homes, their memories, everything... do they have reason to live?

and what of us who "survived" the whole thing by not getting hit at all. are we really lucky? sometimes i wonder if those who died are the lucky ones. their suffering is over. they are at peace. they don't have to live in a world full of greed, pride, hate. it's just a thought, really.

several people have expressed their symphaties to the victims. numerous nations, private corporations and individuals gave monetary aid and rendered their services to help. it's a pleasure to see people of different races, religions and classes coming together to help one another. but sometimes i wonder, does it have to take a calamity of this proportion to bring us together? why can't this be an everyday occurence? will unity be only achieved at the expense of several thousands of lives?

i guess my puny brain can only take so much.

jeez... it's been ages since i last blogged. i've been pretty busy running around you see. hehe.

so what's been happening?

well... nuthin' much really. here are a couple of updates:

• i'm not liking AMP much lately. i dunno why. i guess i just got tired of it. hehe. i'm gravitating towards MSPB. we're spending a lot of time together lately.
• i've finished my christmas shopping. gawd! i'm broke. drats.
• my sun phone is acting up. ack! something is seriously wrong with it. grrr. i need to have it re-formatted. i wonder when i'll find the time to do that?
• i'm missing my "little bro" =( sad.
• i'm addicted to gaming again. haha. i'm currently playing The Legend of Zelda Minish Cap. i'm halfway through it. and i wouldn't have made it as far as i have right now without Drewy's help. hehe. so, a big shout-out goes to Drewy! thanks dude!

err... that's it, i guess. haha. how boring can my life be?

well, have a happy Yule everyone! stay happy and be good. ;-)

Last night I got to thinking about the men in my life. (Haha!)

Some people have "ideals" in terms of the people they want to spend the rest of their life with. I don' t. Well... I don't think I do. I believe that having an ideal person is too limiting. And it's as if you are prepping yourself up for disappointment. I mean, what if you cannot find your ideal person? Does that mean you will never end up with anyone? And if you finally decide to compromise your idealistic view, does this mean you are getting desperate and would just settle for whatever is there?

Anyways, even if I don' t have an ideal guy in mind, I find myself gravitating towards the same types of people everytime. I just felt like writing them down here. No reason at all. Just felt like it. Hehe. So, here are the men I usually fall for... Read ' em and weep:

º the rocker dude - they're usually in a band. if they're not, they most usually look like they are. they listen to rock music non-stop. and more often than not, they diss my work sometimes because i have to listen to and market commercial and pop tunes. i get along really well with these types because we share the same interests.

º the addict-looking type - ahhh... these boys don't necessarily have to be rockers. they can listen to hip hop music or maybe even jazz. they're the ones who look like they're on something everytime. haha. they're reed thin, have long and unkempt hair (sometimes they can be bald) and are usually awake till the wee hours of the morning (just like me!)

º the younger man - for some reason, i almost always get involved with younger men! hate it hate it hate it. haha. is it maternal instinct at work or what? (sidenote: both AMP and MSPB are younger than me). in fairness to me, i usually find out he's younger late into the game. so it's not as if i'm actually searching for young men... it just happens that they are!

º the queer type - argh! i don't know what's wrong with me but it has happened a lot of times already... i gravitate towards the queer folk! makes me feel like i'm lesbian sometimes. haha. in any case, as one of my friends say... gay men are actually hot. they know how to dress up and take care of themselves. and if you ever get lonely, gay men will never complain when you ask them to go shopping with you.

Our dinner with Billy didn't push through... he was so tired working from 8am till 10pm. So we decided not to hound him about it. Wawa naman. Mario, Nixon and I just had dinner and reminisced. Hehe. We bonded till around 1 am.

After that, I went back to ABS and met up with Jon and Johann since I promised Johann I'll come back for him. Jon had a mixing schedule from 12am to 9am for the Christmas special. Wawa naman. So Johann and I kept him company. We just chatted and ate actually. Food trip ever. Haha. Went home around 5am that's why I'm so bangag right now.

In a little while, I'm going to Makati with Glocky for his Pulp photo shoot. What a busy day! Ack.

Guess who I saw today?

Billy Crawford!!!

Hehe. Yeah... my "anak-anakan".

La lang. I missed him. It has been three years since I last saw him. He hasn't changed a bit... well, he lost a lot of weight... but his attitude remains the same considering he's an international star (which I couldn't say for some people... oh y'all know who I mean). Anyways, he seemed really happy to see me. He hugged me and then made okray my hair. Haha.

We talked about having dinner tomorrow and he said I should call him or his brother to fix the sched. He said he didn't know what time he'll finish with work (his sched is so packed!) so we have to be on standby. Got no problem with that. Hehe.

So there. It was really great seeing him again after all these years. =)

Oh btw... went out with MSPB. Heehee.

Bad vibes.

AMP is once again attached.

MSPB and I have sort of made up.

Jeez.

The men in my life!!!

Nobody knows just why we're here
Could it be fate or random circumstance?
At the right place, at the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives to make us fuel and fire
Then know wherever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes, dry your tears, coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight of your doubts and fears, weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed until we cried
At the most stupid things like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would never understand
This unlikely union and why it still stands
Someday we will be set free
Pray and believe

When the light disappears, and when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream, I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes from your tears, when everything's unclear
You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears, and when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream, I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here
In my arms through the long cold night, sleep tight
You'll be safe here
When no one understands, I'll believe
You'll be safe, you'll be safe
You'll be safe here

Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

(Words and Music: Rico Blanco)

Oh crap!

Was supposed to go out tonight but for some reason (*I can't put it here*), it didn't push through. After some bickering and name-calling, I decided to put my bad mood to good use and edited my blog template. So there. Dy'all like it? Hehe.

Anyways, I didn't want to go mope so I called Manna and asked her if she wanted to go out... being the kaladkarin that she is, she agreed. We didn't have a clear plan. We didn't know where to go so we decided to call Tanie and being another kaladkarin, she agreed to come with us. Haha. Anyways, we went to Metrowalk and had coffee at Starbucks (Manna got her planner already. Crap.). We called Martin and asked him if he wanted to crash -- yes, he is another kaladkarin. So there. We bonded till around 3am.

When I got home, I couldn't sleep so I just plugged into my I-Pod. I was waiting for a text from either AMP or MSPB... Double crap. Well, there was a text from AMP but I was really waiting for MSPB's text. But there was none! Ack.

Oh well.

Anyways, I finally got to sleep around 7am. Bad vibes.

Ya Chang's album launch was a huge success! Yey! Manna and I celebrated by having coffee at Coffee Bean. Duh. Hehe. We bonded till around 1 am -- talking about AMP, her boys, my other boys, and other stuff! La lang.

Oh... MSPB and I are okay na. Hehe. He's sweet. :-)