For reasons I cannot explain and understand, there is one person I get jealous of pertaining to MSPB. Argh! I dunno why but I cannot help it.

You see, he's naturally a sweet person and quite touchy with most everyone.

Thing is... I'm naturally a jealous person but I've learned to accept that he is how he is and I don't really mind him being sweet and all to other people -- except for this one girl! Ack!

This afternoon, he was once again touchy-feely with her. Crap. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

I'm beginning to hate her guts now.

Anyways, he asked me a while back to write about what for me is a perfect moment... It's for a song he's writing. Made me think, really. Well... I wrote about mababaw stuff lang... Mababaw naman talaga kaligayahan ko e.

I actually wanted to write that a perfect moment for me is just being with him. 'Coz it's true. But I decided not to na lang... He'll just laugh for sure. And I wouldn't want to see him laughing again about something I'm serious about. :::::shrug:::::

We launched Solo 2 last Monday night at the Hard Rock Cafe. It was tiring but I had a blast. =) I'm proud of all three artists but of course, a special shout-out to Johann, who I consider my lil' bro. =) You see, I don't have a brother and I've always wanted one. He's like the brother I never had.

I hope he gets to be really successful. And I'd be his biggest fan. Haha.

La lang. Just felt like sharing.

Crap.

My PC is dead.

I'm using someone else's computer.

Drats.

Hate it.

Grrr. What a day.

i'm feeling chirpy today. :-)

last night an "angel" came to me and gave me an enlightenment of sorts... hehe. cleared my head, really. it was a conversation that i needed and i'm glad it happened. to my "angel" -- you know who you are and i thank you for letting me see the light. haha. if ever i go wayward again, feel free to hit me on the head and put me in my place. i give you that power! wahahaha!

anyways, since i'm in a jolly good mood, i've no angst-ridden things to write about. oh crap. now i'm a boring person. haha.

err well... i have been toying with the idea of giving visitors of this blog a lowdown of who i really am. sort of like a 20 Questions kind of thing. y'all know this e-mail survey thing we always get... like a getting-to-know-you thingy. oh whatever. haha.

i know of only two regular visitors actually... hehe. but who knows? and who cares? haha. anyways, just in case anyone decides to blog-crawl and stumbles upon this site, i give you permission to get inside my head... not that you're really interested. hehe. what the heck? just read on...

01. What time is it now? 8:40pm

02. What song is currently playing on my iPod? New Pollution by Beck

03. How many songs are stored in my iPod? 1,103

04. What was the last CD I bought? Nirvana box set

05. What was the last book I read? The Dark Tower VII by Stephen King

06. What is my current theme song? Burnout by Sugarfree

07. Who was the last person I texted before starting this? Johann =)

08. What was the last movie I saw in the theatre? Constantine

09. What was the last movie I saw on video? Little Black Book

10. What is the most jolog song I like? I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys(hahahaha!)

11. What is the most jolog TV show I watch? 7th Heaven

12. How long has it been since my last official relationship? 3 friggin' years! (hehehe)

13. What was the first concert I watched? Menudo (eeew! haha)

14. What was the last concert I watched? Linkin Park

15. What was the first CD I bought with my own money? FrancisM's Yo! album ;-)

16. If I were in a band, I want to be the... Drummer!

17. If my life were to be made into a movie, who would I want to play me? Drew Barrymore

18. If I were to make a movie, who would I want to be paired with? this is hard... I can't choose. Haha. Either Ed Norton or Jason Lee

19. If the movie has a soundtrack, which band would do the theme song? I would have said Nirvana but since it ain't possible anymore, then I'd go for Weezer

20. If I was given a million pesos and I have to spend it in one day, I would buy... A 17-inch Powerbook, Altec Lansing Speakers for my iPod, a 6630, a car (I actually want an Accord but since I only have 1 million, I'd settle for a Civic instead. Hehe) and loads of books, CDs, and games! And I'd be the happiest person alive! Haha.

21. I can most relate to this character in Lord of the Rings... Eowyn

22. My favorite character in Harry Potter is... Sirius Black

23. If I can go back in time, I want to go back to... My college life in UP

24. What is my biggest relationship regret? Choosing Alwin over Rein... Everything went downhill from there

25. Who is the one person I miss the most? Right now? As in right this minute? MSPB! Hehe. But I miss Kap, Diego and Celeste too. I don't get to see and talk to them as often as I used to.

26. What is the one thing I want to accomplish before I die? There are actually more than one... I want to write a book and get published. I want to write a song. I want to learn how to play the guitar and the drums and perform with a band.

27. Three people I want to meet... Stephen King, Dave Grohl and Ed Norton

28. What is my favorite non-alcoholic drink? Coffee

29. What is my favorite coffee place? Starbucks Emerald -- because it's homey :-)

30. How many candles will there be on my birthday cake this 2005? 29!

31. What is my star sign? Aries. Then I was born Year of the Dragon. Worst combination! Haha.

32. What are three things I cannot live without? My mobile phone, my gameboy and my iPod =)


there. can't think of any more questions e... hehe.

till next.

i was blog-surfing with MXRR and we came across this list... it didn't have a heading... but if i were to put one... err... i dunno. hehe.

well... let me see if i've done some of these... those i've already done are in bold...

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise (didn't really watch the sun rise... i was indoors)
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (who hasn't? hehe)
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark / shark's fin
113. ***CENSORED*** ;-)
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over134
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested

so there.

desperate for changing
starving for truth
i'm closer to where i started
i'm chasing after you

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all i'm lacking
completely incomplete
i'll take your invitation
you take all of me

now i'm fallin' even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

i'm living for the only thing i know
i'm running and not quite sure where to go
and i don't know what i'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

there's nothing else to lose
there's nothing else to find
there's nothing in the world
that can change my mind
there is nothing else
there is nothing else
there is nothing else...

"hanging by a moment" - lifehouse

oh right...

i'm feeling a bit blue today. nope... it's not the valentine bug. i don't care much for valentine's day anyways so i couldn't really care less about this bug inflicting all the other single people around (note: refer to previous post).

i'm going out tonight with friends... yup, MSPB will be there. so anyways, i was sorta looking forward to this day. nope, not because i consider it a date, but because every day that i get to spend with MSPB is a day i look forward to.

this morning, i heard MSPB say to someone that valentine's day sucks (he actually said it in tagalog... and i quote: walang kwenta ang valentine's day na to!). then he went on to say that he doesn't have a date and he's not going anywhere.

right.

so what about our movie thing later, eh? yeah yeah, i know... i said i don't consider it a date but still... what he said was a big blow to my already-bruised ego. talk about adding insult to injury. i have had my heart badly broken, stepped on and the carcass left on the pavement to rot.

i try my best to be strong about this. everyday is an ensuing battle to be normal, act normal and appear normal. i put up a strong front for his sake (and for mine as well) even though i know that i will never win no matter how hard i try. you just don't know how much of an effort it is on my part to pretend that everything is okay every single day of my life. you just don't know how it feels to be me.

to my friends reading this -- i know... i'm stupid. tanga talaga ko e. if you've known me long enough you'd know how gaga i can be when it comes to these things.

to MSPB -- you know who you are. in case you come here again and read this... know that i'm not okay. i will never be okay and i will never be the same. but since you want things to be okay, i will try and pretend to be okay. i will do this for you, even at the risk of losing myself.

i never liked valentine's day.

i think it's overrated.

and it promotes commercialism.

not to mention it causes a certain amount of traffic in specific areas (read: near motels).

c'mon, all these flower shops, chocolate shops, hotels and motels rake in a huge sum of money at this time. and all because people are so gullible to believe that this is one day when they can express their love.

hello?!?!? you can very well do this any day of the year. heck, you can do it everyday. (i mean, express your love... but not exactly the motel thing. hehe).

maybe you'd say i'm feeling this way because i'm a singleton. NOT! even when i was attached, i never liked it. i never liked receiving flowers, chocolates or any gift on valentine's. i'd rather receive it any day, or maybe during christmas or my birthday (which incidentally is coming up next month... hehe. hint hint... i'll post my wish list of presents some other time. haha).

and who the hell is st. valentine's anyways? is there such a person?

valentine's day is one big bag of bull.

it's a really ngarag day today. i'm juggling between three different projects happening all at the same time. ack!

anyways, i decided to take a breather for about 10 minutes... surfed a couple of sites, checked my personal email and "cleaned up" my hard drive. lo and behold! i saw this pic of me when i was still an addict. hahahaha. just kidding. i was never addicted to anything, except for maybe coffee. but i digress.


hee hee

so yeah, that's me. that girl is inside me somewhere. hahahaha. la lang.

anyways, back to work... have tons of things to do.

oh yeah wait... it's valentine's day today. who cares? haha. just thought i'd mention it.

right.

I'm dressed all in blue
And I'm remembering you
And the dress you wore
When you broke my heart
I'm depressed upstairs
And I'm remembering where
And when, and how, and why
You have to go so far

Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around

I'm dressed all in white
And I remember the night
You came on to me
And opened up my heart
I was hollow then
'Til you filled me in
Now I'm empty again
I should have never let it start

Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around

No one else can fix me
Although sometimes my heart tricks me
Into thinking someone else will do
But you're the only one
You are the only one

Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around
So come around
So come around

I'm dressed all in blue
And I'm remembering you
And the dress you wore
When you broke my heart

"Come Around" by Rhett Miller

***La lang. I heard this song today and just got a tad depressed. ::::::sigh::::::***

Since today is the Chinese New Year, I figured I'd post something about my Chinese Astrological sign. Yup, I'm a dragon... and I'm proud of it. Hehe. Anyways, here ya go... For those of you who know me personally, you'd see that the description below is so me!!! Hahaha.

Anyways, Kung Hei Fat Choi! =)

Magical, shrewd, intuitive, artistic and very lucky. Alternately, can be stubborn, irritable and impulsive. Can also be rather worldly and hard to get close to. Full of vitality,self assured, bright and master of success. Somewhat proud and quick-tempered, the Dragon personality is always attractive.

The mighty and magnificent Dragon of mythical folklore never ceases to enchant or stir the imagination. The Dragon person is magnanimous and full of vitality and strength. To him/her life is a blaze of colors and he/she is constantly on the go. Egotistical, eccentric, dogmatic, whimsical or terribly demanding and unreasonable, he/she is still never without a band of admirers. Proud, aristocratic and very direct, the Dragon-born establishes his/her ideals early in life and demands the same high standards and perfection from others that he/she has for himself/herself.

The powerful Dragon is difficult to contest, at times even impossible. He/She tends to intimidate those who dare challenge him. An angry , spurned Dragon could be like the big bad wolf at your door. He'll/She'll huff and he'll/she'll puff until he/she blows your house down.

In spite of his/her volcano of emotions, the Dragon can be said to be sentimental, sensitive or very romantic. His/Her feelings are genuine and always straight from the heart. When he/she declares he/she loves you, you can be absolutely sure he/she is sincere. And while he/she may be stubborn, irrational and overbearing when irked, the Dragon can forgive you the moment he/she gets over his/her outbursts. And since things are supposed to work both ways, he/she expects your forgiveness for his/her errors , too.

i got to see MXRR's (aka Kuya Arnold) blog today. asteeg! hehe. his is a photoblog. and it's really kewl since he's got lots of pix and all. thus, i got inspired to post pictures in my blog as well. hehe.

i don't have a digital camera so i don't have as much photos... but browsing through my PC's hard drive, i saw this really kewl picture of me and my good friend diego (of sandwich), which was taken last October during the Oktoberfest. look!



ayuz!

i miss diego. :-(

will try to see if i have other pix to post next time. till next!

this morning, i almost died.

haha. nuthin' tragic happened. i was on my way to work listening to my i-pod when the music stopped midway through foo fighters' "learn to fly". i thought the battery died or sumthin', though i was sure i charged it the night before. anyways, i fished the i-pod out of my carrying case and saw that the screen was frozen. drats! how the hell do you restart a frozen i-pod?

i called my friend lalie (who was the reason why i bought an i-pod in the first place) and asked her if it ever happened to her. she said it has... a lot of times already. she just pressed the menu and play/pause buttons simultaneously to refresh it. as soon as i got to my desk, i just put my stuff down and proceeded to press the said buttons. it didn't work!!! i was getting all agitated when lalie called me back and told me to call Senco. which i did. the tech who attended my call told me that if it won't refresh, i have to bring it to them for servicing. WTF?!!?!? i couldn't live without my i-pod for a day!

anyways, since none of what i did worked (by this time i was pretty messed up already hehe), i decided to rush to Senco and have it serviced. i was resigned to the fact that i'd leave it there for like a day or two. i just wanted it to function normally. well... guess what happened next?

on the way to Senco, i checked my i-pod and the screen was blank. which means it turned itself off. i tried turning it back on but it said there was no battery power left. i almost went crazy. what the hell's wrong?!?! hehe.

to make a long story short, when i got to Senco there were no available techs to look at my i-pod since they were on lunchbreak. the guy who helped me out asked me if i was willing to leave it and just come back for it after an hour or two. i wouldn't have minded... if i didn't work in QC! so i just asked him if i could plug it in their mac and see if it would charge and finally work.

voila! it did!

hooray!

and all of my songs and playlists were "unharmed". whew.

that was one of the worst panic attacks of my life. hahahaha.

well, on to more serious stuff...

the last time i posted, i was on the "21 days program". i tried it for like three times but failed. i dunno. i guess i just couldn't hack it. i've never been good at these things. if the trojans downed achilles with an arrow to his heel, the best way to put me down is to hit me with an arrow to... yeah... that five-letter part of the body that starts with an H and ends with a T. (it's all mushy stuff and i couldn't even bring myself to write it haha)

i'm quite okay now, really. you know, just trying to live my life as normally as i can. i figured i'd rather be happy and miserable at the same time than just be plain miserable. i still have my windang moments... i guess i will never outgrow it. i'm already deep into this shit.

to quote Neil Gaiman in The Kindly Ones: "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

Right.