Last night's taping was so exhausting... We waited for six goddamn hours. Drats. Wala talagang tulugan. To make matters worse, I wasn't in my best mood when I got to the taping, thanks to somebody.

So anyways, having only eaten nachos for the rest of the day, I was starving to death when we finished around 12:30am.

We (Johann, Hanz and I) went to Eastwood and had dinner at Something Fishy. Food trip! Haha. That was the highlight of my day. The only time I felt quite happy. Pathetic no?


Here's my trusty OJT Hanz. I don't know what I would do without this kid. I'm thinking... if ever I do leave this company (which I'm seriously considering...), I'll have her replace me.


Here's Johann. By this time, he wasn't talking since his voice got really messed up with all the waiting we did at the taping.


And here I am... Not feeling too peachy. No, not at all.

------------------------------

Anyhoo---I'm going to Summer Slam today! Woo hoo!



I plan to drink myself to death and get really really wasted. Going back to my roots. Kewl! It'd be like coming home.

was browsing through American Idol's message board and found out about this site. is this for real?

haha.

it actually is funny when you think about it. but c'mon now, i kinda don't like seeing Scott stay on for another week!

CONSTANTINE IS GONE!

CONSTANTINE IS GONE!

CONSTANTINE IS GONE!

Yey! =)

Hehe.

Though, I would've wanted Scott and Anthony to go before him...

----------------------------

What the hell is wrong with Paula Abdul? Judges are supposed to be unbiased. Sure, they do have their favorites... Simon obviously fancies Carrie and Bo. Randy, I think, likes Bo and Vonzell. But to cry like a baby on national television?!?!? What's up with that? She did the same thing last year when LaToya London got voted off. (Digression: I liked LaToya and screw America for voting her off! Haha).

Anyways... crying like crazy after admitting a couple of episodes ago that she likes Constantine is somehow... err... bizarre... Nah... suspicious (there are apparently rumors going around that Paula had affairs with previous American Idol finalists)... uhm... whatever. It's just plain icky.

I wonder what the other finalists who got voted off before Constantine feel right now... Paula didn't cry when they left the show. She didn't console their families.

Heck, what do I care anyways? Hehe.

One thing bothers me so much though... Why isn't America voting Scott off? I can understand why Anthony is staying... he's charming. And he reminds everybody of Clay Aiken. But Scott!?!?!? What the f***?!?!? He doesn't have charm, his voice is so-so, he looks like a killer and his performances are boring.

Why, America, why?

Then again, look who they voted for President?

Ahhh well...

"Why does someone feel they have to hide (their sexual orientation) their whole life?... The root of that is all from the Bible, from religion. If we didn't have religion, there wouldn't be this massive problem with gay people."

Got this quote off Oliver's blog. =)

It's true, though. I know of several people who are "in the closet". I just don't understand why they have to hide who they really are. I mean, why be ashamed if you're gay? I personally don't see anything wrong with being gay. As long as you don't do harm to a fellow human being, it doesn't really matter.

Oliver goes on to write that... Everybody's free to worship who or what they want, or not worship at all; faith is always a personal thing. Organized religion, on the other hand, is when things related to worship get unduly complicated. Some Christians, for example, go on a Bible-thumping spree, citing chosen verses that supposedly say that gay relationships are condemned by God (or at least the Christian God).

Very well said!

If you're gay and you're afraid to come out just because religion dictates that it's wrong and immoral, then I think you're a moron. That, for me, is blind faith. You do as you're told, to the point of denying your own person. Aren't we, as human beings, entitled to think for ourselves? Isn't that what sets us apart from animals?

For others, it's society that dictates what they should and shouldn't be. They cannot admit their true sexual orientation because they have an image to project. Screw self-image! You're not fooling anyone by doing that. The only person you're fooling is yourself.

If only people were more honest about themselves, this world would be a much better place.

Today ain't my day.

First off... I had the most irritating dream last night (or should I say this morning... slept around 3am na). That's why when I woke up, I was cranky and ultimately pissed.

It was a busy day as usual... and I was movin' along just fine when IT happened.

Argh!

Okay... maybe I overreacted. But you see, I hate it when people use other people to get me to do things. In this situation, the person used was my boss. I-name drop ba talaga? Grrrrrr.

I don't want to go into details but... in a nutshell, there's this certain someone (Person #1) who was asking me to write about a talent (Person #2) we have. It's been discussed ages ago that I cannot possibly do it since my load is up to my neck already and I told them that we should just outsource the job. Anyhoo--I told them that they should allot a certain budget so the writer can start working on the articles already.

That happened over six months ago! Person #1 didn't request the budget. Ergo, no article. And today, they (Person #1 and his assistant) were expecting me to come up with a comprehensive biography for Person #2. They told me that my boss "ordered" it.

Like DUH! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!

To make a long story short, I was called into "the principal's office" (a.k.a. my boss' office) and she asked me why I didn't want to do the job.

Hello?!?!! I didn't say I didn't want to do it. I said I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE. There's a difference.

I explained to my boss that I even gave them the option of having the job outsourced but they never got back to me regarding it. If their problem was the budget (they claimed that no budget was allotted for such things as these), why didn't they talk to Finance about it? Haven't they heard of budget re-alignment?

In the end, it was decided that the writing job will be outsourced. And my boss even thanked me for coming up with the idea (like hello?!?!?!!? I have been reiterating that to Person #1 since last year!!!). She said she'll talk to Person #1 about it.

Great. That ruined my day. Seriously.


--------------------------------

On a lighter note... last night we watched JR's gig at err... I forgot the name. Hehe. Basta, it's this new place owned by... uhm... Ara Mina. Here are some pics from last night. They're mejo malabo... The place was dark kse and the phone's camera was on night mode. So there.


Hehe. Ang layo ng tingin ni JR! =)



MXRR wanted me to delete this pic. Shempre now it's posted on here. Hehe. Peace, MXRR!



Blech. Laki ng mukha! Haha. Do you see that black strip of whatever by my head? Is that a ghost or what? Haha.


Naks, naka-project si Marlone! Hehe.



Hey! It's woody woodpecker! Oh... that's Jon pala. Hehehe. ;-)

i'm sad.

Lynn & Alex are gone.

boo hoo.






--------------------------

that uncanny ability of me-finding-things-out-without-effort struck again. blech.

am i cursed or what?

i posted this the other day but when i read it again, i felt it was kulang. i had a lot more to say... so i'm re-posting it...

Some things are better left unsaid. By opening yourself up to people, you give them the permission to come inside you and mess you up. They probably don't mean to do that... But by giving them that power to get inside you, you're making yourself vulnerable. And more often than not, you do end up getting all messed up.

I should know. I'm there. Right now.

I should've just kept my mouth shut. But no, I had to tell him. I regret doing it, y'know. I regret being honest about the way I really feel. In the span of one week, I have been called unreasonable, demanding and annoying by someone I hold dear. Not to mention, I have been told that there is no magic there.

Ouch.

That hurt quite a lot. The pain is unimaginable. It's like having a knife thrust deep inside my heart and twisted several times until I scream. It's like having someone step all over me. It's like having life sucked out of me. I have never felt anything remotely as painful.

The saddest part is... he knows. He is quite aware of the hurt and the pain my barely breathing heart is going through. And yet, he doesn't seem to care nor mind at all. He comes in here, reads what I have to say and the next morning asks me why I look like I haven't slept a wink? What's up with that? Or sometimes, he even has the temerity to ask why I look so glum...

C'mon now, are you playing dumb?

I am not expecting to be loved back. For a time, yeah, I was hoping that some sort of miracle will transpire and I'd find myself loved back by him. Now, I am devoid of all hope. I have come to accept that no such thing will ever happen.

What hurts me is the fact that despite his incessant declaration that I matter to him and that he appreciates me, he still continues to do things that hurt and disappoint me. It's not as if he ain't aware what these things are... he friggin' knows! Crap. It only drives the point that he doesn't give a damn. I don't mean shit to him. And realizing that makes it hurt all the more.

He even went as far as saying that I'm his girl best friend -- introducing me to some people as such. If this was the case then, how can he remain unaffected and nonchalant about everything when I, on the other hand, am hurting and in pain? How can he go about his business as if nothing is wrong? Best friends feel their friend's pain... and most importantly, best friends care.

I ain't your best friend. It was just one of those PR things you say.

Yeah well... I know that now.

I guess it's all my fault, really. I should've just kept my mouth shut from the very beginning. I still would've suffered though... either way, I know I would've suffered. But if I kept quiet and wasn't too open about my feelings, I still would have my dignity intact.

I have never felt so worthless.


---------------------------------

To you>>>You know who you are... I do thank you for the little favors you (used to) do for me. Thank you for bringing me home, accompanying me to different places when I didn't have anyone else to go with, helping me out with work sometimes, saving my ass by singing without talent fee, making me libre... really, thank you. I just wish it wasn't all PR. For a while there kse, I thought (and believed with all my heart) that I was somehow privileged... that I was special to you... and that I was cut above the rest.

My bad.

Apparently, I'm just like everyone else. I'm in no way more important to you than any Poncio Pilato.

Anyhoo---with me, it wasn't just PR. You know me, I don't befriend people I don't like. And I've always been upfront with you. When everyone else was talking about you behind your back, I confronted you with the issue in question and asked you myself. When everyone else was laughing at you and didn't talk to you because you looked geeky, I spoke to you. When everyone else didn't mind you because you weren't rich and sikat, I made you pansin.

Now that you're rich and famous, they're all your friends.

And they're all uber-nice to you.

And they still talk about you behind your back.


---------------------------------

A friend told me once before that when someone is depressed, he/she should be given chocolate cake to make him/her feel better.

I badly need my chocolate cake.

I wish someone would give me chocolate cake.

quiz-happy again...








What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're a sporty tom boy. That's not a bad thing.
You're friendly, competitive, athletic, and you
love to have fun. You attract a lot of guy
friends and make many girls jealous. Don't pay
attention to them. A lot of boys might think
you are aggressive and might be intimidated.
Don't worry, show them the other side of you
that makes people so attracted to your fun
personality. You also are a perfectionist. You
have to be good at everything. But please don't
stress yourself out. You're just fine the way
you are.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
places. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

Which gorgeous goddess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


The Goddess of Night and Regret. You are a perfect confidante. Always understanding and
solicitous, you could be a queen and
you are exceptionally honest. You are an intelligent beauty.

I. AM. SO. TIRED.

just came from sandwich's press thing. it started out with the band playing Tantra at the Tantra Cafe here at the Loop. (i was so envious!!! Agnes of Interactive promised to give me an installer by tomorrow. woo hoo!!! can't wait). then at around 5pm, we all went up to the 14th floor for the press and TV interviews.

hot damn! there were soooooo many people. i did not expect all those writers and TV crew to be there. wahahaha. i was so shocked, it might have shown on my face coz the band kept asking me if we were in the right place. hehe.

anyways, here's a pic of Sandwich from the good 'ol days...



aww. i miss Marc.

anyways, things went pretty well. the press people were amused with the band's humor. and the band was quite amused with the press people present as well. it was a three-hour long chikahan, which left my mouth dry (since i couldn't leave the room for a quick smoke!). the TV interviews followed right after the press interviews. good thing the band's gig got cancelled or else, we would have been rushing the interviews. as it turned out, everybody was relaxed and everybody had fun! =)



ooohhhh. =) i love sandwich!

----------------------------

hate myself!

i think i ate a TON today. i haven't done anything today but eat nonstop. GRRRRRR! crap.

NOTE TO SELF: STOP EATING!!! STARVE SELF!!!

oh... i realize i haven't slept for like 26 hours. and i'm not feeling sleepy at all. good grief.

----------------------------
i'm gonna be an aunt soon. =)

my ate is pregnant and will be giving birth... erm... sometime... erm... i'm not sure. hahaha. basta within the year.

here's an ultrasound pic of my niece:



wehehehe.

i would have wanted a boy. hehe. i have been longing for a kid brother all my life and i was hoping my first pamangkin would be a boy. i'd coerce him to be a rock star... and teach him how not to mess up and hurt girls' feelings. wahahaha.

well then, since i'll be having a niece, i guess i'd have to teach her not to let any boy mess her up when she grows up. i'll tell her not to be like her aunt (me!). of course, she can still be a rock star! hehe. that is, if my ate and brother-in-law would let me "brainwash" her. hehe.

----------------------------
today was pretty much an okay day.

i was busy. had fun. it was a blast having sandwich around. diego is one crazy guy! haha. i missed him. he lives near me now (he used to live in the city of the pines las pinas... haha!) and he kept on bugging me to hang out one of these days. we're planning to have a drinking spree next week. the alcoholic in me is fighting to get out. haha.

errrr... couldn't get enough of these quizzes. hehehehe. so here's more:

You are 73% Aries

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

You Are a Dalmation Puppy

Kind, bright, and very energetic. Firemen love to pat your little head.

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a total entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"!

Your Love Style is Manic

For you, love is the ultimate rollercoaster And you love to hold on tight and enjoy the ride Every time you fall in love, it feels like the first time And while it's exciting and exhilarating... It's also stressful and scary!

You Belong in 1977

1977 If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

You Have Good Karma

In general, you like to do the right thing when it comes to others. Your caring personality really shines through. Sure, you have your moments of weakness - and occasionally act out. But, all in all, you're karma is good... even with those few dark spots.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

You Are 30% Left Brained, 70% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

was just fooling around and blog-hopping and came across blogthings. took some quizzes and here are my results:

You Are Depressed

No doubt about it, you're feeling very down. Maybe you've had a bad day, or maybe you need help. Either way, make sure to take good care of yourself right now.

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

You Are 75% Normal (Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

You Will Die at Age 61

61 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

You Are the Very Gay SpongeBob!

Because the religious right says so... And because his best friend looks a bit too much like a penis.

You Are a Drama Queen (or King)

(You are more dramatic than 60% of the population.) And the oscar goes to... you! You're all about overreacting and just plain acting. You see the world as your stage, and give a great performance. And while you're friends may find you entertaining at times... Everyone's secretly hoping that you'll just chill a little. (But they'd never tell you - they fear your wrath!)

100 Years by Five for Fighting

"Every day's a new day... 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to choose Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live" 2004 was about thinking and reflecting - but isn't every year?

oh kewl!

we've got a full moon! =)

yey!

we like certain songs for varied reasons. but normally, it's because we can relate to its message. sometimes, when i listen to some of my favorite songs, i feel so moved by them, it's as if i was the one who wrote them... maybe in some parallel universe, i did. haha. or i wish i did.

certain songs affect us depending on our mood for the moment. here are just some of the songs that i can totally relate to right now. they're mostly old songs... i guess none of the new ones has touched me in the same way as these songs do.

some are the whole song. for the others, i lifted the part of the lyrics that just hit me everytime...

01. I'm Still Here by Vertical Horizon

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
Still here

You've seen the ashes in my heart
You smile the widest
When I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I tried to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
And you just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here

The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you're gone, you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you used to say
I'd be the one to run away
But I'm still here

02. Please Don't Ask by Popsicle.

I look into the mirror
See an empty space that used to be your face
I know it's trivial
But why am I still dwelling on it?

03. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here by Weezer

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

04. 747 by Kent

Silence, why won't you listen
Maybe it's just me
But sometimes it's impossible to breathe
A violent whisper
Maybe this time it won't heal
Maybe this time it will bleed until I'm free

05. Blurry by Puddle of Mudd

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face
this pain you gave to me

06. Today by Smashing Pumpkins

I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face

07. What I Didn't Know by Athanaeum

I complain
When nothing's even wrong
That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I am sorry too

08. Sick of Myself by Matthew Sweet

You don't know how you move me
Deconstruct me
And consume me
I'm all used up
I'm out of luck
I am starstruck

By something in your eyes
That is keeping my hope alive
But I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
It's hard to even want to try
And I'm beginning to think baby you don't know

09. Stranger Than Fiction by Bad Religion

life is the crummiest book I ever read
there isn't a hook, just a lot of cheap shots,
pictures to shock and characters an amateur would never dream up

sometimes truth is stranger than fiction

10. Just Looking by Stereophonics

there's things i want
there's things i think i want
there's things i've had
there's things i wanna have

you said that life is what you make of it
yet most of us just fake it

11. Falls Apart by Sugar Ray

She falls apart by herself
No one's there to talk or understand
Feels the sting, dries her eyes
Finds herself opens the door and sighs
People see right through you
Everyone who knew you well
Falls apart, might as well
Day is long and nothing is wasted

You walk along by yourself
There's no sound, nothing's changing
They've gone away, left you there
Emptiness is nothing you can share
All those words that hurt you
More than you will let it show
Comes apart by yourself
All is well and everything's wasted

12. Things Will Go My Way by The Calling

For all the lies I've tasted
Just looking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
Well what am I to do
When everything's against me
The answers are all wrong
I'm hoping that I'll find out
It was worth it all along

Maybe someday
In time
Things will go my way

13. Basketcase by Green Day

Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it

Sometimes i give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
Or I'm just stoned?

14. Chump by Green Day

Maybe it's just jealousy
Mixed up with a violent mind
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense
Or maybe I'm just dumb

15. Miserable by Lit

You make me come...
You make me complete...
You make me completely miserable

16. You Know You're Right by Nirvana

I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you

Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good

No thought was put into this
Always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail

17. Everytime I Look For You by Blink 182

One more point of contention,
I need some intervention
Approaching failing tensions,
Betray my short attention span
The distance, bridge the border
Beg forgiveness, round the corner

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down
And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground
I left another message, you are never around
But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more
Will the last one out, please shut the door

18. Unnoticed by Athenaeum

It takes a lot of power
To change your point of view
And I worry every hour
That I'm away from you
It makes me feel unnoticed
Like I was never there
But I'd give all my life savings
To know you ever cared

19. Broken by Seether

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone (away)


so there.

'nuff said.

grrrrr.

what the hell's wrong with this computer? blogger.com won't load (i had to load from www.blogger.com/home), some weird language got into my template and caused me to lose my doggie clock, and my tag-board is acting up! what the f***!

anyways, i think i'm going to be sick. my joints are aching and i'm starting to feel a cold coming on. yikes! i can't afford to be sick. got a lot to do in the coming weeks.

---------------------------------

my friend just called and he's heartbroken. (who isn't?!?!?!)

apparently, his girl left him for some schmuck. he's asking if i could join him for some drinks. are you serious? it's almost 2am and i've work tomorrow! if i didn't have work the next day, i would have gone and we'll drown each other in our miseries. misery does love company right?

anyhoo---i think i'll just see him some other time. i told him to sleep it off (yeah, like i do that)and he'll feel better when he wakes up (as if that really works!).

---------------------------------
i want to write a song. i've been obsessing about it for a couple of months now but each time i try, i find the words to be icky. hehe.

i wonder if i'll ever get to write one. and if i do, will i have the guts to let others hear it? wehehe. whatever.

this is such a lame post.

someone i used to like has asked me out to dinner.

the first time he asked, i thought he was just being polite because we were talking about something else... then he made kwento about this newly-opened place somewhere near ABS. then he said we could try going there. i told him, "sure why not?" then said, "text text na lang".

just now, he asked again.

hmmm...

i think maybe i should go. ain't doing anything this weekend anyways.

it's been a very busy and tiring week. and as usual, i've been on this rollercoaster ride of emotions...

::::sigh::::

anyways, a new rule has been implemented at work. smoking is now prohibited. it really sucks for a certain number of reasons:

01. i think better when i smoke. i am able to think creatively when i'm puffing on a cigarette.

02. with this new rule, it means that i have to go outside if i fancy a smoke. which means, i'll be "wasting time" and instead of being in front of my computer writing away, i'd have to store everything in my head. and by the time i get back, i most surely would have forgotten everything.

03. i feel more relaxed when i'm smoking. if i don't get to smoke for a certain time, my nerves are on edge and i get pissed more easily. and i lash out on almost everybody.

-----------------------------

someone told me recently that i'm an emotional manipulator. erm... duh. what the hell is that? a couple of searches on google and i found out that...

emotional manipulation is a method of using words, body language and behavior for the purposes of provoking a particular reaction, getting a desired response or to just plain screw you over.

say what? me? screw someone over? i get screwed most of the time. but not for the life of me have i even thought of screwing someone over.

i researched some more and found these:

an emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper. If you ask them to do something for you, they will almost always agree. Then when you say, "ok thanks" - they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they don’t really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. When you tell them it doesn’t seem like they want to do whatever - they will turn it around and try to make it seem like OF COURSE they wanted to and how unreasonable you are.

okay... let me tell you something... when i like something or someone, i say it. and if i don't like something or someone, i say it too. i don't pretend to like anything. if i hate you, i will not be a hypocrite and pretend to like you. you'll know i don't like you. i'm very transparent and i don't know how to be plastic. when i do something for someone, i do it because i like to do it. i wouldn't do it in the first place if i didn't want to.

an emotional manipulator is fond of Crazy making - the art of saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses.

one thing i'm proud of with myself is i KEEP MY WORD. i don't lie to people, especially those i care for. i hate liars nga e. and when i say something, i keep it. and i also don't pretend that i did not say whatever it is i said. why the hell would i do that? i stand by my word. if i said it, i said it. if i didn't, i didn't.

emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly - they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything!

i believe that a person shouldn't feel guilty if he/she knows he/she didn't do anything wrong. no amount of this so-called manipulation can make you feel guilty if you know you're not at fault. ergo, how the hell can i manipulate someone to feel guilty when in the first place, i don't believe that guilt is caused by someone other than the person himself? and... i have always been an open book. as i've said previously, i am transparent. i express what and how i feel... sometimes too much, i think. so don't tell me that i never express my desires and needs. moreover, i have been fighting my own fights ever since i can remember. i don't depend on someone else to face my fights for me. i get tired of fighting and most of the time i feel weakened by it but don't dare accuse me of not fighting for myself. neither do i expect someone else to do dirty work for me. if i intend to play dirty (which i don't do), i'd do it myself.

Emotional manipulators fight dirty. They don’t deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.

now this is really pissing me off. i don't fight dirty. i don't talk about someone behind his/her back. if i don't like you, i'd tell you to your face. if in case i don't tell you to your face, i'd just keep it to myself but you'd most surely feel my ire. i have never been fond of backstabbing people. i know how it feels to be backstabbed. it has happened to me several times -- people i thought i trusted has backstabbed me in the past (some are even doing it presently). it's a cowardly thing to do and that's something i most definitely am not. i am not a coward. i also don't tell people something for the sake of just saying it and because i know it is what they want to hear . if i don't mean it, i will not say it. i can name someone who says things you want to hear but don't exactly mean it, but it most definitely is NOT me.

-----------------------------

i just finished the book the alchemist.

the book says that everybody has his/her own Personal Legend. and that we should learn how to listen to our hearts and read the signs and omens in order to follow it. it also says that at a certain point in our lives, our hearts begin to speak more softly because we fail to listen to it... but it never stops speaking.

i want to follow my Personal Legend. while reading the book, i was thinking of what it is. several things popped in my head and one thing stood out. i have always been afraid to pursue this dream because i was afraid of failing. now, i think i should just go ahead and try it. i've got nothing more to lose anyways. i guess i will never be truly happy if i don't follow my Personal Legend.

the book goes on to say that if you really really want something, the whole universe conspires for you to achieve it. there may be obstacles in between but that is just part of the journey. no one ever said that life is free of obstacles. having identified my Personal Legend, i remember that i had the chance before but i did not take it for fear of leaving people behind. in the book, the alchemist told the shepherd that, "Don't think about what you've left behind. Everything is written in the Soul of the World, and there it will stay forever. If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back".

very well said. it occurred to me that i was given a second chance at fulfilling my Personal Legend but again, i did not pursue it for fear of failing and losing something i held dear. again, the book explains, "The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. No heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams".

right.

dang!

our blasted IT blocked my internet =(

crap.

now, i've to use another PC for my internet needs. haay. bwiset.

AT LAST!

I'm done with the Piolo write-up. =) Whoop dee doo.

Finished Karel's too... Yey!

I'm so sleepy.

I want to sleep.

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Have you ever experienced writer's block? It's one of the worst things that could happen to a writer like me. And I'm having one right now. Ack!

I normally work best under pressure. And I usually write my best materials at the last minute. But... I don't feel it happening right now! Yikes. In approximately ten hours, Piolo Pascual (yeah, yeah I know... showbiz na naman. But this is what I do for a living so lower those eyebrows now! Haha) will be launching his album and I have nothing to put in my press kit! Double yikes. I was actually supposed to write at home during the weekend but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. For some reason, I wasn't inspired enough. Hah! And now I'm feeling the pressure escalating. I have nothing! And I can't think.

Kill. Me. Now.

***takes a deep breath***

Okay... this has happened to me before and I managed to pull through in time. So there's no reason to panic. Hehe. But then again, my mind is completely blank. Not even the ciggies are doing the trick! Why is this happening? Argh. I think my muse has abandoned me. =(

***takes a drag***

Well, I guess I have to go back to writing about Piolo now. Wish me luck!

Woo hoo!

My phone is fixed!!!

Just came from Greenhills with Jon and my phone has been "re-born". =) Well... I lost all my files though. All those pics and ringtones gone. =( But at least it's working perfectly again now. I guess I just have to back-up all my files on a regular basis so in case something happens (***knock on wood***), I wouldn't worry as much anymore.

Good thing the 6630 comes with a PC Suite and USB cable... I can now take pics and post them on my blog at once. It's just like having a digital camera. Yey! Hehe.

Here's the first picture taken from my newly born phone:


Wahahaha!

So there.

Till next. =)

Holy crap!

For some insane reason, I looked at my own blog's archives to read my previous posts.

Yikes! Earth, eat me now... please.

You see, there were things I wrote before that someone wasn't supposed to know. And that certain someone, I discovered, has been visiting my blog. Not on a regular basis but he checks every now and then. I realize now that he read that part about... erm... I'd rather not write it again. I don't want to remind him about what I wrote should he pop in here one of these days. Eep.

i hate liars.

oh yeah, i lie too sometimes. little white lies... if the situation calls for it. but i make sure i never get caught. and i never do it to people i care about. coz i know that lying hurts people. and i don't like hurting people i care for.

i guess some people don't think the way i do. and some people are just really insensitive jerks. not caring about other people's feelings even though they're quite aware that their actions have great effect on someone else.

how can someone who is supposedly a good person manage to lie through his teeth and get away with it? and how can someone who is supposedly nice be an asshole at the same time?

why do i even bother anyways? i'm supposedly smart. i graduated with honors at the state university. i've been a consistent dean's lister. people commend me for the things i write and the things i do at work. but why am i so damn stupid!?!?!?!?

f**k it.

Astig!

I'm currently in a conference chat with Infinity and MXRR. Kewl!

La lang. Just wanted to post it. Haha.

F**K! F**K! F**K!

Okay... so Jon & I went to Greenhills to get the box of my new phone (I had to give kse the box of my old phone in exchange for it...) and just as we were leaving Greenhills, my phone f**ked up. Grrrr. And now the memory card can't be read and all my images, videos and ringtones are gone!!!

CRAP!!!

Why didn't it happen while we were still there? Para napa-check ko pa dun sa binilhan namin. They were actually about to close shop when we arrived. I could've had them check it pa. On second thought, why did it have to happen in the first place? Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Aarrrgggh. Why oh why? I hate it.

I can recover the ringtones. My friends got all my ringtones. But the pictures and my movies are gone =( Waaaaah. I can never get them back. Waaaaah =(

I'm super duper depressed. =(

To MXRR>>I cannot send you the movie I did now =( it's gone =( waaah =(

† † † † † † † † † † † †

Was supposed to work on article now but I cannot write. My brain refuses to function. Argh. All my pics are gone. =( I can't get over it.

Dang.

I'll just write my article tomorrow. That is, if I feel better tomorrow.

Ack!

I was just blogging about Jessica Zafra and guess where my blog-surfing brought me? TWISTED!!!

Gasp!

I was just in Megamall a while back! I was there at 6pm and I didn't even know Jessica had a book signing going on! What the hell is wrong with me? I never know anything anymore. Crap. I'm losing my touch. I'm getting too pop for comfort. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Hate it.

Golly.

I'm sooooo tired. I feel like I lost five pounds. Wahahaha. I wish!

Had a whole day radio tour with Milk N Money today. We started the day at 10 in the morning and ended half an hour ago (9:20pm). We visited a total of 5 stations today -- had malling time in between too. Hehe.

Tomorrow, they're visiting two more stations but I won't be with them as I have a Lito Camo thing in the office. Right. Haha. My trusty OJTs Rose and Divine will be accompanying the band.

I really like Milk N Money. Not just their music... I like all of them. They're not posers. And they're so makulit I almost died laughing. Imagine spending the whole day with them! Haha.

Anyways, I'm so happy! Hehe. My other OJT Hanz cleaned up my desk and workplace. It doesn't look like my desk at all now what with all the mess out of the picture. Wehehe. Thanks Hanz! You're the best! (As if she'll get to see this no?).

---------------------------------

I love my new phone. I can make mini-movies from it. I made a couple already. Super laugh trip! Haha. I showed one mini-movie I made to Johann and Jon yesterday. Super aliw. Haha. Then the other one I showed to MXRR. Wahahaha. Ayuz ba Kuya Arnold?!!?? Hahahaha. Super laugh trip talaga. I can't get over it.

I also have lots and lots of ringtones! Kewlies! Wehehehe. I'm so mababaw.

---------------------------------

I mentioned in my previous post that I am re-reading Jessica Zafra's book Twisted. I finished it last night. I was reading the credits and realized that it was published ten years ago! Oh gawd! I feel so old. Haha. I wonder where Jessica is now. I haven't heard about her in ages.

---------------------------------

Someone had a concert today. It might still be ongoing... I dunno. How did it go kaya? Hehe. The concert will have its second night tomorrow... I wonder... Was it wise to do two nights? Oh well... it's none of my business anyways.

---------------------------------

Oh yeah... had a really interesting dream last night. It seemed so real! In the dream, I was in Greenbelt with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Voldemort? Nah... Haha!). It was 3am but for some weird reason, everybody was still out and the shops were still open. The weirdest thing pa... we were planning to watch a movie. Hell! At 3am? Haha. We apparently came from an awarding thing wherein he was the recipient of a Lifetime Achievement award. As if! Hehe. So anyways, I wanted to watch a movie... and for some weird reason, he wanted to please me even though he was super duper tired and bangag. (Note: This part makes it obvious that it was just a dream. Haha!). While we were walking towards the ticket booth, I kept on hearing bells and chimes but he didn't hear it. I was beginning to get infuriated when I realized that it was my alarm clock I was hearing... haha. So I woke up and got ready for work. Crap. Hehehe.

Had a really busy and tiring day. Aarrgh. It doesn't help that I need to write about Lito Camo now. I like Lito as a person. He's really nice and all... but I ain't his target market. Ack. Lately, I have been finding it hard to write about stuff I cannot relate to. Like I always say, my brain cells are dying!!! Help me resuscitate them!

Anyways, I had a really interesting weekend. =) It's been a long time since I had a happy weekend so this is a great development! Hahaha.

I woke up quite early Saturday. As usual, I just loafed around the house and then slept again around 2pm. I woke up with a jolt at 5:30pm. Kse I promised Weng I'd go to her house at 5pm for her niece's birthday party. Crap. I'm late! What else is new anyway? Hehe. So with a rush, I got ready and literally flew to her house. Good thing she lives near lang.

After the children's party (hehehe), we went to Glorietta to shop. I bought gifts for Gloc-9's twins. I'm ninang kse. Then I shopped for other stuff pa. I'm not a shopping person but somehow I felt like shopping lang. Made me happy afterwards so it's all good. =) After dinner, we went to Anna's and hung out with Ricio, Ysa and Ricio's sister (forgot her name sorry!). Played some games and drank... coffee! Haha. Ricio was drinking beer. He wanted me to drink as well but I told him I had a christening to attend to the next day so he didn't push it. We went home around 2am. I wasn't sleepy yet so I read a book. Funny coz I couldn't find anything worthy to be re-read. So I just read Twisted by Jessica Zafra. I actually borrowed the book from Anna that same night. Saw it on her bookshelf and got it.

Anyways, it's so funny to read Jessica Zafra. I've always wanted to be like her. When I was in college, I met her. She even called me at home! Haha. I was a student assistant then at DZUP and it was Diliman Week so we were broadcasting from Bahay ng Alumni. Even then, I was really showbiz... haha. I wanted to have celebrity guests every single day of the week. At that time, Jessica was hot property. She just released the book, she had the program at NU 107 and she was on TV a lot. And she was MY idol hehe. So being the selfish bitch that I am (ehem!), I thought, why don't I call her and ask her to be a guest?

My good friend Kap used to work with her at Woman Today so I got Jessica's pager number from him. I paged her and introduced myself. I left her my number and prayed to all the gods for her to reply. At 10pm that same night, she hasn't called me back and so I thought she was too hung up on herself to mind someone like me -- a student from UP who was obviously a fan. Hehe. But then, around 11:30pm, my phone rang! It was her! Woo hoo. She said she was sorry to be calling so late but she got caught up with a lot of different things so she just found the time to return my call blah blah blah. Anyways, to make a long story short, she said she'll do it and she'll be in UP by 11am the next day. Astig!

At promptly 11am the next day, she appeared at the Bahay ng Alumni. Grunge was a big thing then so she was wearing a black top and black ankle-length skirt with a plaid polo wrapped around her waist. She was wearing Docs too and had her trusty backpack slung over her shoulder. I was kinda starstruck and for a while I was mumbling incoherently. Kakahiya. To think that Jessica is a really smart person. Haha. She was nice naman. None of that bitchy personality showed while she was dealing with us. Maybe she woke up on the right side of the bed that morning and didn't feel like having us kids for breakfast. Hehe. The interview went well -- the interns did the interview and I did the spinning of records. Jessica came up to me and told me that she liked my music. I played Nirvana (of course!), Green Day, Pearl Jam, Temple of the Dog, Candlebox and Live. Of course I made sure I played R.E.M. and Sting... I knew from reading her columns that she likes these acts. I had to suck up! Haha.

That was an experience I will never forget. Imagine one of your life heroes calling you at home?!?! Dig that! Hehe. I'm sure she wouldn't even remember that now. And I'm sure she doesn't remember me. But who cares?

While we're on the subject of celebs calling me at home, one other celebrity who did was Jao Mapa. Haha. He's a cousin of my friend and I guested him in school too. It was his heyday then (Pare Ko and Palibhasa Lalake days). The upperclassmen were all nice and feeling friends with me when I brought Jao in. Duh!

Other celebrities I guested in school were Rico Blanco, Mark Escueta, Medwin Marfil and Rob Sunico (of Club Dredd). Oh yeah, I guested Kap too. Haha. In some alternate universe, Kap is a celeb. Love ya Kap! =)

------------------------------

Sunday morning, I woke up at 10:30am. Again, I was late for another event! The christening of the twins was supposed to be at 10am!!! Double crap.

So once again I literally flew to the venue. Met up with Mitzi in Ortigas and went to the reception in Katipunan. I missed the christening altogether =(. Sad. I'm a bad ninang.

Afterwards, went to Greenhills with Jon. I have been obsessing about a new phone for a couple of months now and decided right there and then to change phones. So now, I'm the proud owner of a 6630! Yey! It's a really kewl phone coz even if it's loaded with ringtones and pics, it doesn't slow down. And the resolution is really neat. It's like having a digital camera. =)

------------------------------

Okay... I just got a call. I've to rush now to Ortigas. I'll just bring the Lito Camo article home. Hah! Good luck to me. I hope I can write it.

It's Rein's birthday today.

La lang.

FIVE THINGS I TELL MYSELF EVERYDAY TO MAKE ME HAPPY

05. I'm a self-empowered radiant jewel.

04. It can't get any worse than this.

03. When you're down in the dumps, there is no way to go but up.

02. I will have my "pie" too. Hehehe ;-)

01. He's gay!

had the biggest rejection of my life today. yeah well...

aahhh... love sucks. big time.

-----------------------

watched American Idol and YEY!, Nikko is gone! at last! i never liked him. he almost always sang off key. there was a time when simon was going on about him having pitch problems and why he's the only one hearing it... i was like, "Well, I hear it too!".

anyways, there are only eight contestants remaining and well, for lack of better things to write about... here's what i think about them. not that it really matters what i think. but this is my blog so i can very well put whatever i want. haha. oh well, whatever...

Anthony Fedorov. He's so gay! Haha. I don't mean that as a bad thing. I have a lot of gay friends and I like gay men... well, most of them. Anyways, I'm not really impressed with his vocals but he's nice to look at. I don't think he'll make it to Top 5, though. I may be wrong but that's what I think.

Anwar Robinson. He's okay... though he tends to overdo it sometimes, to the point of being out of tune. And that final high note is getting a tad old. Can't he do anything new? But he's okay. He's one of those I like. He actually reminds me of Rein. I don't know if it's just me but there's an uncanny resemblance. Haha.

Bo Bice. MY FAVORITE!!! Woo hoo! He's the bomb! I don't think he'll win though. I dunno. He's kinda old. But he's the best for me! He ain't a poser unlike... aarrrghh... I'll get to him in a while.

Carrie Underwood. She's actually great but she's too country for my taste. And her smile looks pasted on. She also has the tendency to bore me. I dunno... when she's performing kse, she just stands there. She's like a wallflower. Haha.

Constantine Maroulis. Aaahhh... here we have the poser. Grrr. I hate this guy. He is such a poser! I hate posers! In last night's episode, Randy Jackson said that he doesn't buy the rocker image and I SO AGREE! I don't buy it! Poser! I hope he gets voted off. Though I don't see that coming coz I'm sure all the girls vote for him. Yuck nga e. Even Paula Abdul admitted she likes him. Eeeew. How can anybody like a poser?

Nadia Turner. She looks like an airhead. I dunno. She just does. I'm not impressed with her as well. She can go anytime.

Scott Savol. He scares me. Hahahaha. He looks like a hitman. Like if he doesn't win, he'd kill off everybody. Yeah well, I'm just being weird. But really, he does scare me. He sings quite well. Nothing great. But okay.

Vonzell Solomon. She's a dark horse. She wasn't so good in the beginning but now she's getting better and better. I like her. She seems sweet too.

so there.

-----------------------

had a nice chat with Infinity. =) hey gurl, you made me happy. not a lot of people can do that. hehe. thanks!

as promised... here are some pix from last night's album launch. click on each thumbnail to see the larger version of the images. =)

in the last two pix, can you see that long-haired guy in green? he's Tutti of Protein Shake. ain't he cute? =)