Mentos.

That's one word to describe me. Hard outside but soft inside.

Yeah well... despite what most people think, I am a softie (not a toughie --- ack! Why am I quoting all these commercials? Haha). The other night, I went home with a knot in my gut. I could feel the tears coming but I had to keep myself from crying since I was in the company of AMP. It was a gruelling ride home. I felt so uncomfortable. I kept my mouth shut for most of the ride for fear that I will break down and cry in front of him if I even attempted to say anything.

True enough, when I was in the privacy of my room, my defenses broke. The tears of frustration just flowed. I immediately called one lovable woodpecker and poured my heart out to him. I felt a little better after that conversation. Just a little.

What, pray tell, brought on this sudden bout of depression?

Well... I have been harboring feelings of loneliness for the longest time. I guess I was just too proud to admit it even to myself so I pretended to be all hyper and chirpy all the time. Yeah I was ecstatic and on Cloud 9 a couple of days back when a certain someone suddenly appeared at my door. But soon after that, my world crumbled. It was like this huge earthquake shook things up and pieces of my life tumbled down one by one.

It does seem quite pathetic of me to continue obsessing about something (or should I say someone) when there are other more important stuff to think about. I can't help it. I have a one-track mind lately. When other people are stressing about their careers, their families, the economy, war and other serious matters, I'm stressing about a boy! I know it sucks but that's how it is. That's how I am.

AMP doesn't love me. :-(

I don't think he even likes me. Oh yeah well... he does... but y'know what I mean... I don't think he likes me as in LIKE me. I realized it the other night. No, he didn't exactly say anything... I felt it lang. You feel stuff like that right? Even when the other person is not saying or doing anything... As mushy as it may sound, it's the heart that's supposed to do all the talking. His heart didn't talk to mine that night. Ack.

So there.