i'm at a loss for words.

i cannot begin to describe how stunned... no, make that SHOCKED... i am with what happened to southeast asia. the devastation is beyond comprehension. one can't help but ask why? and what's up with the world anyways?

i ain't Christian... well, i was. but at some point i chose to be otherwise. but i do believe in a Supreme Being. i believe in the God and the Goddess. i believe in the deities who look after and take care of us. but they're easily ired, i guess. especially when we do stuff that hurts the earth. this is our home and we're supposed to take care of it. but alas, we dump waste, kill trees, hurt animals, hurt each other. the earth is suffering and we have hurt it to its core. i guess it's really just payback time. we've been really bad to mother nature and this is her way of telling us to shape up... or ship out.

however, it's still unbelievable. it's so surreal. and no matter how hard i try, i sometimes still don't understand why it had to happen here or why it had to happen at all.

sometimes late at night, i can't help but think, it could have been us. if not for the land mass of indonesia and malaysia, the philippines could have been easily hit by the tsunami that wiped out a big chunk of some towns' populations. people say we're blessed and lucky. the survivors of the disaster say the same thing. that they're lucky to have come out of it alive.

is this the right thing to say? what about those who survived but had their whole families ripped out of their grasp? are they lucky to be alive? most people, aside from losing their loved ones, have lost everything -- their homes, their memories, everything... do they have reason to live?

and what of us who "survived" the whole thing by not getting hit at all. are we really lucky? sometimes i wonder if those who died are the lucky ones. their suffering is over. they are at peace. they don't have to live in a world full of greed, pride, hate. it's just a thought, really.

several people have expressed their symphaties to the victims. numerous nations, private corporations and individuals gave monetary aid and rendered their services to help. it's a pleasure to see people of different races, religions and classes coming together to help one another. but sometimes i wonder, does it have to take a calamity of this proportion to bring us together? why can't this be an everyday occurence? will unity be only achieved at the expense of several thousands of lives?

i guess my puny brain can only take so much.