back to work. drats!

okay... i'm whining again. double drats!

anyways, i'm feeling excited about 2005. for some reason, i think this is going to be a good year. i hope my vibe is right.

after getting all serious in my previous posts, we're back to the trivial stuff... jeez. hehe. what's there to post anyways? i may not like what happened. who does anyway? but what to do? life goes on. we may not like it sometimes but life still goes on.

so, what's up with AMP? in one word, NOTHING. hehe. i am so over him. we still talk. he texts and calls sometimes. i text and call him in return. we've actually taken our "relationship" a level higher by being good friends. we talk about serious topics now. haha. and we're kinda more personal. but that's about it. i know it will not go any higher than that. it's much better this way, i guess. he's a great person to be friends with. =)

what about MSPB? well... this is another story. wahahaha. it's nothing official, really. i know, i know... i'm such a sucker for entering "unofficial territories". for some reason, i get drawn to the unknown. is it the x-phile in me? haha.

i can actually see a couple of eyebrows rising. me and my fairytale world. i can't help it. journeying into the unknown provides a certain thrill. i know that in the end it may cause me pain but the masochist in me just shrugs and says "Who cares?"

haha. it's pathetic, really. i think i'm a perfect subject for psychiatrists. they'll have a hard time figuring me out. you see, i get depressed easily. however, i cause my own depression. i know this for a fact. i am aware that i can be in control if i want to be. i do want to be in control but somehow, i don't do anything to guarantee such. not because i can't but i just don't. but then again, i complain that my life sucks and then i get depressed. the rollercoaster ride begins. and never ends.

i am such a nutcase.

so anyways, i am currently happy with MSPB. we get along pretty well. we argue sometimes. erm... let me rephrase that... I (take note... "I"... haha) argue with him most of the time. but it's fun. he understands it's part of who i am and lets me be. i kinda like that. though sometimes, i hate it when my tantrums don't elicit any reaction at all. weird, huh? if he calls my attention about my tantrums, i get mad. if he doesn't and just lets me whine, i get mad. damn if you do, damn if you don't. hehe. but he's still around. how many guys can take such a "beating"?

i'm not saying this is it. i'm over that phase. i don't want to tag anybody as being THE ONE. yeah, a certain part of me wants him to be THE ONE. i'm tired na kse e. haha.

do i like him? A LOT. he makes me laugh. and he makes me happy. i can be myself with him.

do i love him? yes i do because he's a really good friend.

am i in love? that i don't know... yet.


what about him?...


does he like me? yes of course. we're super good friends.

does he love me? yes, he said so himself.

is he in love? i'm not sure.

who knows? maybe the next time i post, we're official. then again, maybe not. or maybe, in my next post, i am aready in love. still, maybe not. i don't know really. i don't want to preempt things. which is why i haven't told anyone about him. haha. sorry folks! my lips are sealed until such time that (i)we're officially together or (ii)it's over. hehehe.

if ever we do end up together, i can imagine myself spending the rest of my life with him. of all the guys i have been with, he's the only one who accepts me for who i really am. and understands why i am the way i am. he has also taught me how to love without question. and how to love without what if's or but's. it's really kewl. =)

if on the other hand, we don't end up together, i'm really glad he came into my life. i know i met him for a reason. and i think that should we not end up together, we will be friends for life. and that accounts for something already. to quote from the movie American Pie: "i'd rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all".