happy new year!

for many people, it's a not-so-happy new year. in fact, it's a sad sad sad and depressing new year. over 140,000 people have died in southeast asia due to the earthquake and the tsunami that hit the region day after christmas. what a bitter way to end the year and welcome the new one.

i feel so guilty. here i am living comfortably when many of my fellow asians are suffering. heck, i've been attending holiday dinners left and right. am i a bad person for doing this? i feel guilty but why the hell can't i stop the revelry? if i feel so bad for these people, how come i party here and there? i suck big time.

i also feel guilty that i have been obsessing about men. i complain about the most trivial stuff. i whine too much. how dare i complain? how, indeed?

***before i go on, let me just pause for a minute of prayer***

there... i feel a tad relieved.

but then again, i still feel depressed i can't do anything more. i wish i were rich. i wish i had several millions lying around so i can donate some to the disaster victims. i wish i owned planes so i could use them to send relief and aid to those who need it. i wish i had more so i could give a little more.

on second thought, i think there is something i can do. i myself am guilty of hurting the earth. i am guilty of throwing candy wrappers and cigarette butts wherever. i waste water sometimes when i take a bath. so maybe, by not doing these things, i can help. in my own little way. and by telling people i know to do the same thing, i can help more.