oh right...

i'm feeling a bit blue today. nope... it's not the valentine bug. i don't care much for valentine's day anyways so i couldn't really care less about this bug inflicting all the other single people around (note: refer to previous post).

i'm going out tonight with friends... yup, MSPB will be there. so anyways, i was sorta looking forward to this day. nope, not because i consider it a date, but because every day that i get to spend with MSPB is a day i look forward to.

this morning, i heard MSPB say to someone that valentine's day sucks (he actually said it in tagalog... and i quote: walang kwenta ang valentine's day na to!). then he went on to say that he doesn't have a date and he's not going anywhere.

right.

so what about our movie thing later, eh? yeah yeah, i know... i said i don't consider it a date but still... what he said was a big blow to my already-bruised ego. talk about adding insult to injury. i have had my heart badly broken, stepped on and the carcass left on the pavement to rot.

i try my best to be strong about this. everyday is an ensuing battle to be normal, act normal and appear normal. i put up a strong front for his sake (and for mine as well) even though i know that i will never win no matter how hard i try. you just don't know how much of an effort it is on my part to pretend that everything is okay every single day of my life. you just don't know how it feels to be me.

to my friends reading this -- i know... i'm stupid. tanga talaga ko e. if you've known me long enough you'd know how gaga i can be when it comes to these things.

to MSPB -- you know who you are. in case you come here again and read this... know that i'm not okay. i will never be okay and i will never be the same. but since you want things to be okay, i will try and pretend to be okay. i will do this for you, even at the risk of losing myself.