Had quite an inspiring conversation with the granddaddy of relationships last night (wehehe). Made me think of the relationships i've had and how they all erm... sucked. Crap.

Have had four serious relationships in my lifetime and several flings. Haha. I started young. 'Ika nga nila, maaga ko lumandi'. But my first serious relationship came when i was 18.

Let's call him The One That Got Away. I met him in school. He was actually attached. So I was The Other Woman. Blech. We were together for almost two years. He was my best friend. I graduated before him coz he was a shiftee and he had to extend for like another year. When I left school and started working, we sort of fell apart. Then eventually broke it off.

While i was nursing a broken heart, i met the next one. Let's call him The Rebound Boyfriend. I realize now that i never really liked him, much less love him. It was just, sadly, a rebound thing. I hear he's in the US right now and making a lot of money. Boo hoo to me. Haha.

Then The One That Got Away, or TOTGA for short, and I got back together. It was the happiest moment of my life. Much better than the first time. However, i was sorta young (22) and stupid...

You see, I met this guy. He was wild and crazy. I guess that wild streak got to me and i began to realize how much more exciting he was than my precious TOTGA. I broke it off with TOTGA (big big mistake) and chose this new guy over him. Let's call this new guy The Cheater.
TOTGA cried when I broke it off with him. He actually begged me to stay. My stupid self refused.

And I was so mean to him... Whenever The Cheater and I would fight, I'd come crying to TOTGA and ask him to call The Cheater to try and patch things up with us. Which he did. Everytime. =( I knew it hurt him. But i was an insensitive twerp.

Okay... So The Cheater erm... Cheated on me. Twice. (I told you I'm stupid). After the second time, i finally broke it off and severed all ties with him. I don't even know where he is now. As for TOTGA, last i heard he's getting married this year. Awww. =( It was actually his birthday last month. I got to talk to him and well... I missed him. Of course i didn't tell him that.

It took me a long time to jump into the fire again. Finally in late 2001, i did. This time with a guy i met through a common friend. Let's call him The Country Boy. He lived far from the city and was only in Manila once in every two months. We barely saw each other and just kept in touch by phone. Just imagine our phone bills... We used to talk for hours long distance. It was nice and sweet the first few months. Then the visits stopped coming. And the calls started dwindling. Then he made promises he always failed to keep. The last straw was when he promised to come home for my birthday in 2003... But then failed to do so for reasons he didn't want to tell me. I later found out he was already going out with someone else who lived in his hometown then. And she was the reason why he couldn't go to me. Great. Just grrreat.

Looking back, i realize that i lost the one that really mattered because of my own stupidity. TOTGA was the love of my life. If i could go back and do it all over again, i wouldn't choose The Cheater over him. Who cares if he's more exciting? He messed up my life! Screw him. Grrr.

Oh well...

I was given that one shot to be truly happy and i blew it. I'm such a wuss.

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A good friend of mine (you know who you are) told me that he's probably doomed to be alone and he's resigned to that fact, what with all those women who left him in the past.

You're wrong, you know. You're not alone and you're not doomed to be alone.

I, on the other hand, am.